ZIM SKITZ
by TallestCora
Summary: Funny little skits I think up in my spare time! I just LOOOVE doing these! And much Suck Munky was had by all.
1. What's Love Got to do With It?

**ZIM SKITZ!!!**

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DISCLAIMER: I own...my pants. But I don't own Invader ZIM. :::Sniffs.:::

AUTHOR'S NOTES: This is a cutesey little skit that I thought up when I was drawing up some spec.s for one of my characters!!! It just popped into my head, and I thought it was funny that they were having an actual conversation with song lyrics!!!

AUTHOR P.S.: Oh! Due to the STUPIDITY of this site, I will be using x's to make spaces between things larger, and ":::" three colons together to indicate action. It's an old method, I know, but if anyone can tell me how to get this stupid thing to use 's asterisks, I'd sure be grateful!!! AND you'll get COOKIES!!!

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**"What's Love Got to do With It???"**

PURPLE: LOVE??? What's LOVE got to do with it???

RED: What's love but a second-hand emotion?

ZIM: What's love got to do with it? Well, I, um...

RED: Who needs a heart when a heart can be broken?

PURPLE:::Whispers::: He's still a little upset since he broke up with Sharroonga.


	2. Dib's Family Photo Album

**ZIM SKITZ!!!**

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DISCLAIMER: No one knows... of course, if they don't, then they're no fan! I don't own it!!!

AUTHOR'S NOTES: This is part of an episode that I made up, the flip-side of "DIB's Wonderful Life of DOOM". But it's really funny, anyways!!! The background, just so you can understand: DIB is a spy for the Irken Empire, and this is his first ship of command. It's full of spies, and everyone likes to make fun of him and play pranks on him -like NORMAL!!!- nobody ever treats him like an actual Captain, even though he can command them.

DIB: You, go get some more energy for the ship's engine gyros!

CREWMEMBER: Yes, STUPID:::Salutes. Follows orders.:::

You don't need to know the rest!!!

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**"Ooohhh! DIB's Nekkid Baby Pictures!!!"** -- from the "DIB's HORRIBLE Life of DOOM!!!"

:::DIB's first ship of command he's ever gotten has just crashed into the DBZ universe and world, and now he's sitting on a container, moaning to himself. When, suddenly, a yell comes up from inside the rubble behind him.:::

CREWMEMBER FPH: OOOOHHH!!! Look what we have here!!! DIB's family photo album!!!

DIB:::Horrified look.:::Glowers.::: Okay, that's it! That's the LAST TIME I take any personal things on a ship!!!

CREWMEMBER FPH: Ooooohhh! Who's THIIIIS?!?

DIB:::Looks up, horrified. He quickly runs over there.::: Uhm, uhm, ah, uhm, It's, uhm, just, uhm-!!!

:::But, when he gets there, he finds that it's just a picture of him as a baby sitting naked in a bathtub.:::

DIB: Huh? Wh-huh? Oh, yeah! That's me when I was just a baby!!! It looks like Dad's giving me a bath..and..something...Ooh! Hey! And here's one with me and GAZ...Hee hee hee! That's where Dad got wet!!! And it looks like GAZ isn't enjoying the bath very well!...and...uhm...

:::DIB sits down with his crewmates and starts talking about the pictures in his family photo album.All of the crewmembers are enjoying looking at the photo album with DIB.:::


	3. ZIM and the HokeyPokey

**ZIM SKITZ!!!**

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DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN ANYTHING!!! Except my rug, and my bed, and my lamp, and my comp., and...:::Continues on.:::

AUTHOR'S NOTES: NOTHING suggestive or ZATR about this!!! Just a conversation!!! I figure that it would be pretty OBVIOUS, but, well, you know. :::Glares menacingly, as if to say, "I know what you did last summer".:::

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**"ZIM and HIS Hokey-pokey."** --- This idea came from "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"!!! That, and my own head!!!

:::ZIM, TAK, DIB, GAZ, SCOODGE are invited over to a slumber party.:::

EVERYBODY: IT'S TIME FOR THE HOKEY-POKEY!!! WHOOO!!!

:::Everybody "yays" and they all stand in the circle, and they start the music.:::

:::ZIM, SCOODGE, and TAK are not engaged in it, for the obvious reason that they don't even know what it is!!!:::

:::ZIM and TAK just happen to be standing next to each other, both holding their punch.:::

ZIM: Huh. The "Hokey-pokey". Heh, it reminds me of a drinking game I used to play.

TAK: Heh, yeah! I used to play that all the time! Sometimes I still do, when my squiidilyspooch holds up to it, that is. I used to win almost all the time!

ZIM: Heh, nope, I didn't! In fact, I almost always lost! Hee hee heh, I remember this one time, when I lost, I was passed out. They took my PAK and waited for 7 minutes before they finally woke me up!!! Hee heh heh, I was sssooo mad! I got my revenge, though... :::Rubs hands evilly::: ...Heh heh heh...beatings!!!

TAK: I bet you did.

:::The Hokey-pokey continues on, and the rest of the kids urge them to join them. And by "urge", I mean that they FORCIBLY "urged" them to join them!!!:::

ZIM, SCOODGE, TAK:::Being pulled in.::: YAAAAAEEEAAAAAHHHAAA!!!


	4. Boldly Going Where No One Asked Us To

** ZIM SKITZ!!!**

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**CHAPTER 4 "Going Boldly Where No One Asked Us To"  
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DISCLAIMER: I don't own it!

AUTHOR'S NOTES: If you can guess where this chapter's name came from, you get a cookie!!! Here's a clue: It has something to do with "Space" and "Opera"!!!

There's more SKITZ in this one, but don't get used to it! It just means that there were a lot of SKITZ I could think of with the "Star Trek The Next Generation" crew!!!

I'm also using "(" and ")" instead of ":::" the three colons to denote actions. The sections are divided with the Document Manager's "--------" Line option.

My OCs were in this first SKIT, and so I had to change their names because I don't want to reveal them to the public yet! And, for your information, none of their new names even RESEMBLE what they're supposed to be, so don't even try to guess!\par For their relationships, PIRUNK is ZIM's girlfriend (Irken), DAR-DAR is SKOODGE's girlfriend (also Irken) and HART is GAZ's best buddy (Irken, male, child).

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**"We've been captured onto a strange, unknown ship! What do we do!?! I know! Let's prank DIB!!!"**

(ZIM, PIRUNK, TAK, DIB, SKOODGE, DAR-DAR, GAZ, AND HART are all lying in the Sick-Bay of the Starship Enterprise E. ZIM, PIRUNK, TAK, SKOODGE, DAR-DAR, GAZ, AND HART all stirred respectively from their unconscious slumber. DIB is still unconscious.)

ZIM: (Sits up, rubbing his head and wondering what the heck he's doing lying on his back.) Whaaa- oohhh...what happened???

PIRUNK: (Also sits up.) I feel like I've just been kicked to death, pureeed, and served up in soup!!!

SKOODGE: (He's also sitting up.) Yeah, an' I don't even want to THINK about what happened after that!!!

DAR-DAR: (Doesn't speak. Is still in pain.)

TAK: (She's also sitting up.) Yeahhh...owch! Well, it doesn't look like we're any worse for wear, other than DIB, here.

GAZ: (Has already been up.) Yeah, but the lights are too bright!!!

HART: (Has already been up.) I second that emotion!!! AAARRRGGGEEE!!! I FEEL LIKE I'M BURNING!!!!!!!

GAZ: (Looks over at HART.)

HART: AAARRRGGGEEE!!! HELP ME, GAZ!!! HEEELP MEEE!!!

GAZ: (Kicks HART.)

HART: (Falls off the bed and lands on the floor, now under the shade of the bed.) Thaanks...

GAZ: You're welcome.

HART: (Is happy and has stopped sizzling. Sighs in relief.) Shaaahhh...

GAZ: Humph! They must be those "natural" sun-light lights.

ZIM: Heh, it looks like DIB isn't waking up.

PIRUNK: Man, he could sleep through a BOMB!!!

TAK: Hey! That gives me an idea...!!!

(EVERYONE ELSE gets an EVILE look and grins EVILLY as they all get the same idea.)

RANDOM WHISPERS: Okay! Okay, now! What have we got? Hey, stop pushing! Shush! Hey, you, stop shushing! Hey! Hey, you, I was gonna' use that whipped-cream for something later!!! What are you gonna' use it for- Hey, you! Will you quit doing-wraaaacckkk-k! Hey, you! -you quit that-you're gonna' wake up-well, what do you THINK I'm gonna'-Hey! Will you quit that!?! NOW!!! Ssshhh! Ssshhh! Ssshhh!!!

(EVERYONE shuts up and steps away from their handi-work.)

PIRUNK: Okay! I think it's ready!

TAK: Okay! Where's that feather???

(Everyone looks around.)

TAK: WHAAA-AAAT!?! You didn't bring the FEATHER!?!

GAZ: Don't worry, I got it. (She takes part of her hair and tickles the tip of DIB's nose with it.) Koochie-koochie-coo!!!

DIB: Mmmm! (Wiggles his head around at first, trying to get away from it. Then he sniffs, and he wakes up with a sneeze, sitting up and smacking his hand onto his face. Which is, coincidentally, completely covered in whipped-cream.)

(THE ENTIRE GROUP OF IRKENS AND DIB'S LITTLE SISTER laugh and laugh racously.)

(The Doctor and the main bridge crew have decided, at this moment, to walk into Sick-Bay, and they stare in surprise and somewhat disgust at what's going on here.)

DIB: (Who is sitting up right now, with a face full of whipped-cream.) Growls Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's very funny, you got me.

(The laughter continues on.)

DIB: (Looking down at his hand and wiping some off of his face.) (Sighs.) You know, we should PROBABLY be figuring out where we are, instead of just playing pranks.

(Apparently, this happens a LOT to DIB! Well, I mean, EVERYBODY loves to prank him!!!)

(The laughter from his group just continues on.)

DIB: (Suddenly notices something. The whipped-cream on his hand and head has been smoking for the past couple of seconds, making an audible hissing noise.) Hey, wait a minute-WA-WHA-WRAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGEEEEEEEE!!! (He twitches and convulses around quite satisfyingly.)

(The laughter from the IZ group just gets even louder, as the effects of the Irken whipped-cream burns away at him and sears its way into his flesh.)

DIB: Oh, the pain, the pain!!!

(Doctor Crusher and the rest of the crew are finally snapped out of it, and they rush over to DIB's side to aid him.)

(Dr. Crusher and the rest finally manage to get it all off of him, and they just stand there and stare accusingly at the rest of the IZ group. The rest of the IZ group keeps on laughing, until it's finally laughed out.)

DR. CRUSHER: Just WHAT were you THINKING!?! He could've been KILLED with whatever that stuff was!!!

(This causes even MORE laughter among the IZ group to come up, and even DIB is a little amused by it all.)

PIRUNK: (Laughing) He-He could've been killed with-with WHIPPED-CREAM!!!

TAK: (Laughing) Like that's the WORST thing he's been covered with! And burned in pain!!!

ZIM: (Laughing) I-I liked the KISS OF DEATH!!!

(The laughing continues.)

DIB: (Grinning. He's all burned in the top layers of his skin and he's still smoking, but he's okay!) Yeah, geeze, I've been through worse!

GAZ: Yeah, I've beaten him up!!!

(Even more laughing.)

(The rest of the Enterprise crew continue to look on with confusion.)

(As the laughing dies down.)

WORF: But, you just burned most of his skin off.

DR. CRUSHER: (Examining DIB, with his large head.) Hey, look at this! He's not as frail as most normal humans are!

HART: No, DUH, Membrane!!!

(The other crew members turn to look at Dr. Crusher.)

DR. CRUSHER: A normal human would have suffered 3rd-degree burns, but he has only a 1st-degree burn!!!

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**"Slumber-Parties Are AWESOME!!!"**---(Later on in the previous SKIT.) 

(They're still in Sick-Bay. DIB is sitting on the bed.)

GAZ: Oh, you mean like when we took your underwear and froze it when you were the first one to fall asleep?

DIB: (Pointing, Yelling) THAT WASN'T SUPPOSED TO LEAVE THE SLUMBER-PARTY!!!!!!!

(DIB jumps up and runs off, angrily chasing GAZ, as GAZ is very easily eluding him.)

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**"She's Attracted To The Short, Megalomaniac, Crazy Kind"**

(Diana's mom sidles up to ZIM.)

Diana's Mom: (Suggestively) Well, I'm quite impressed with a man who has so much confidence in himself!

ZIM: (Runs off screaming.) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DIB: (Laughs)

Diana's Mom: Oh, don't think YOU'RE off the hook, either! I think maybe...ten years? or so...

DIB: (HORRIFIED LOOK) (Runs off screaming also.) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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**"Diplomatic Negotiations"**

CAPTIAN PICARD: We have a few people from your universe here. They insisted that we contact you.

ALMIGHTY TALLEST: Who?

CAPTIAN PICARD: Well, one calls himself "Invader Zim".

ALMIGHTY TALLEST: ... (Suddenly, yelling,) Can you keep him???

CAPTIAN PICARD+CREW: (Surprised looks.)

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That's all!!! Thanks for reading! Please R+R! Tell me how I can improve!!! OR DIIIIIEEEEEE!!! Is eating the heads off a chicken...nugget. People who can guess the origin of the chapter's title gets a COOKIE!!! Clue: It has something to do with "Space" and "Opera"!!! ---If you've heard of "KeenSpace" then I've already given it away!!! 


	5. Unexpected Breeding May Occur

ZIM SKITZ!!!

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DISCLAIMER: I don't own it! Or Herpes! SO QUIT BUGGING MES, ALREADY!!!

AUTHOR'S NOTES: The one entitled, "Strange Things Seen Out of the Corner of Your Eye" is based off those commercials that advertise Genital Herpes cream. Yes, this DID happen to me. The medicine commercials are getting SSSOOO irritating now! They advertise a medicine, and then they DON'T TELL YOU WHAT IT IS!!! But this one clearly was a Genital Herpes Cream commercial. Which is why it made it that much more SCARY!!! GIR's last quote is MINE! MINE, I SAY!!! MWAH HAH HAH HAH HAHS!!!!!!!

Oh, yeah, and "x"s are again being used as dividers. Yells various things in a strange language. Finishes in English ...AND THAT'S WHY THE SQUIGGILIES AREN'T RIGHT!!!

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**CHAPTER 5 "Unexpected Breeding May Occur"**

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**"For the Sake of the Empire!!!"** -A one-liner!

ALMIGHT TALLEST: OH, NO! OH, NO! FOR THE SAKE OF ALL OF THE IRKEN EMPIRE, ZIM! _PLEASE!_ **_DON'T BREED!!!!!!!_**

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** "Scary Things Seen Out of the Corner of Your Eye"**

(ZIM walks past the giant T.V. screen in his living room. It's playing some kind-of dumb commercial.)

GIR: (Watching the screen) I LIKE CREAM!!!

(ZIM glances at it, slightly perplexed as to what it was advertising, and out of the corner of his eye, he sees the small-print: "Warning: Unexpected Breeding May Occur.")

ZIM: (Doesn't think for a minute, then he suddenly whirls around and stares, wide-eyed, at the screen.) WHAAAAAAT!?! DID IT JUST SAY-

(ZIM blinks and sees the words clearly now. They say: "Warning: Unexpected Bleeding May Occur.")

ZIM: (Blinks, and then he lets out a sigh of relief.) PHEW!!! Thank GLORGLUNGUS!!! I didn't think the Humans were THAT fertile!!!

(ZIM, relieved, now walks off.)

GIR: (To the tune of the old "French's" song) Smile, you've got HERPES!!!

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Okays, that's all! R+R, please!!!


	6. The Goblin King

**ZIM SKITZ!!!**

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DISCLAIMER: I don't own Invader ZIM or The Labyrinth!

AUTHOR'S NOTES: I just liked the thought of ZIM as the Goblin King from the Labyrinth!!!

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**CHAPTER 6 "The Goblin King"**

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**"You Remind Me of the Bot"**

ZIM: (To GIR) You remind me of the Babe.

GIR: What "Babe"?

ZIM: The Babe with the POWER.

GIR: What "Power"?

ZIM: The Power of VOO-DOO!

GIR: Who do?

ZIM: You do!

GIR: Do what?

ZIM: Remind me of the Babe... (Turns away.)

(Everyone laughs.)

(ZIM then quickly turns back.)

ZIM: Wait! ...A GOBLIN BABE!!! (Laughs.)

(Everyone isn't laughing.)

ZIM: Well?!?

(Everyone starts laughing again. ZIM laughs as well.)

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Okays, R+R!!! Although, it ain't REALLY that important...


	7. 5th Grade Rocked Rocks!

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Invader ZIM OR The Magic School Bus, but I _did_ have a _REALLY COOL_ teacher in 5th grade!!! WHOOS for Ms. Thorson!!! She was _sssooo_ great!!! I remember she'd make all these British jokes, and I'd be the only one laughing at them!!! Hah hah hahs, that was _great_... Um, anyways...

AUTHOR'S NOTES: These are _sssooo_ great!!! There's _even_ a little preview of my newest idea of a fic, the Invader ZIM cast meets The Magic School Bus!!! I just _LOVE_ Ms. Frizzle!!! Oh, and also, _EVERYONE LOVES_ to prank DIB!!!

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**CHAPTER 7 "5th Grade ROCKED ROCKS!!!"**

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**"The Origins of Saliva"**

((DIB eyed ZIM. Then, pulling out a straw, he took a deep breath, and blew hard. A small, white, ball of wet, wadded-up paper flew through the air and struck ZIM on the side of the head.))

ZIM: AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!! ((Rolling around on the ground.))

((ZIM finally stopped flailing about in pain, and he shakily and painfully stood up, glaring over at DIB.))

ZIM: You disgusting Earth-creature! You soaked that miniature paper projectile in WATER, didn't you!?!

DIB: ((Grins)) Nope! I used SPIT!!!

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**"A Preview of The Fifth Grade"** -A little preview of my newest idea, the IZ crew and The Magic School Bus!!!

ZIM: ((Holding his hands up prayerfully)) "_Please_ let this be a normal, Earth-field-trip!!!"

DIB: ((Leans over ZIM)) "With The Frizz???"

CLASS: ((Lean over ZIM)) "NO WAY!!!!!"

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**"Everyone LOVES to Torture Him!!!"**

((The Tallest are sitting around in their Lounging Room, lounging.))

RED: Eeehhh...aw, man, I'm _bored_!!!

PURPLE: Yeah...wanna' eat som'more schnacks?

RED: Eh, nah...not _really_...I need something to _do_!...((Moans))

PURPLE: Yeah...an' something that involves torturing another living person...

RED: HEY! WAIT! _I_ KNOW!!! Are _you_ thinking what _I'm_ thinking!?!

PURPLE: _OH_, YEAH!!!

BOTH: LET'S PRANK DIB!!! WHOOOOOOO!!! ((Waving their arms around, they run off.))

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R+R Please!!! Well, no, really, you don't HAVE to, reallys!!! I mean, I just like to do these for fun, ands...PLEASE REVIEW! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEEEEEEAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!! ...(Trails off into sobbing) Eh, okays, I'm done, nows!!!

See ya's!!!


	8. Parking Is Prohibited Inside These Lines

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Invader Zim! But if I did, it would have a lot of that good ol' fashioned romance!!! Like right here, in Revolutionary Girl Utena!!! Holds up her manga.

WHOOOS for T3H MAAANNNGGGAAA!!!

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CHAPTER 8 "-PARKING IS PROHIBITED INSIDE THESE LINES-"

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"Parking For Earthlings Only. All Others Will Be Tickled." -From my Oban, Star Racers/Invader Zim x-over!

(Some aliens see the sign on the Earth Team's hangar that says, "Parking For Earthlings Only. All Others Will Be Tickled." The Humans are laughing about it.)

ALIEN: What's this "tickling"?

DIB: Oh, well, you see, it's a form of pain. It's actually quite enjoyable!

ALIEN: ...

DIB: Um, I mean, I didn't mean it that way!!! Um, um, somebody back me up here!!!

MEMBRANE'S LAB TECHS: Oh, _noooo_, we think you're doing just _FIIIINNNNEEE_!!!

DIB: Glares Grrr...

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"They Dressed Out Of The Same Closet" -Another one from my Oban, Star Racers/Invader Zim x-over.

RED TALLEST: I mean, _come on_! They look as if they dressed out of the same _closet_!!!

MEMBRANE: (Thoughtfully musing, quietly) Heh heh, yeah, that sounds like my son, alright!

ALL IRKENS: ... Um...what...???

MEMBRANE: (Sweatdropps, rubbing the back of his head) Um, uh, nothing, nevermind, just uh, a father's musings! Hee hee hee...

ALL IRKENS: (Get EVILE grins on their faces)

TALLEST: Ooohhh _reeeaaalllyyy_??? Well, we'd like to hear some sometime!

MEMBRANE: (Trying to discourage them) Oh, well, I, uh, ...

TALLEST: 'Come on! _Pleeeaaassseee_!?!

MEMBRANE: Hee heh heh, oh, well...(Thinking) Okay! Heh heh hee, well, you see, there was this one time, when...

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"More Than Just A Life-Line. It's A Way Of LIFE!!!"

(The Irkens are just arriving at the planet where the preliminaries are being held, when Zim sees that it's completely covered in water!)

RED TALLEST: What!?! _What_!?! What happened!?! Why is Zim shouting, and why did he just curse in seven different languages?!?

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THE ENDS!!!

Thank yous for enjoying this one! To all of the peoples who've been enjoying these little skitz, THANK YOUS!!! SO MUCH!!! I'M SSSOOO IMPRESSED!!! (With myself! Just kiddings!)

Anyways, if you REALLY wanna' know, the last skit's name refers to the packs on Irken's backs. They must have universal translators in there! I mean, it only makes sense!!!

See ya's!!!


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